Lauren

So I'm in the philippines. I don't really feel like HELLA writing because I don't think I can muster up the energy to rethink and summarize my trip so far. So I'm just going to write random little things.

I keep almost seeing penises. Like, if I look 3 seconds earlier I know I would've seen a penis. The worst even of them all is 10 minutes ago when I was looking for my little cousins and looked around my aunt's room and almost saw my uncle's penis. It was gross. All I saw was him without a shirt and his long legs. Thank god I didn't not see anything else. All I could say walking away was "ewww. ewww. ewww." while he apologized.

I got drunk with one of my cousins. I have a million things to say about that night but I won't. He's always been one of my favorite cousins, but now he is also my favorite drinking buddy.


"Pack" sounds like "fuck". My uncle told me and my cousin to pack our things and all we could do was laugh in his face and he called us dirrrty.

There's a vagina show in thailand that I want to go to so bad. Women sip drinks out of straws with their vagina. Me and my cousin weren't going to say anything because we thought we didn't want to say "Ey, I heard there's a vagina show in thailand. Can we go after we visit Auntie Linda (nun) at the convent?" But my aunt brought it up today and told us about it. We're going. Yay.

I just extended my trip by a few days. I'll be back on maybe July 10. So chill with me when I get back, aight?

I was looking at my 6th grader cousin's homework the other day. It looked funny to me so I looked closer. It was logirithims. Or however you spell it. WTF. Logs and 6th grade?! They're so advanced.

I went to a theme park here. I didn't wear a bra because I wore a tank top that doesn't allow me to fit a large with wearing a bra. Damn my boobs for being so big. I didn't know the rides so I just followed my cousins around. And I ended up going on 2 rides that got me wet. It was a bad day to go without wearing a bra.

I made my favorite drinking buddy hold my hand on one roller coaster because it was too high for me. I can take roller coasters but I'm still pretty damned scared of heights. At one point I accidentally followed my cousins to this fat ass ferris wheel. I was with my favorite drinking buddy in one the thingys and was hugging the pole in the middle, so he wouldn't have to hold my hand again. My other cousins all laughed at me.

There are one too many hand crafted penis sculptures here. I bought a hand crafted wooden penis key chain. I love it.

They have a store called "people are people". It was actually a pretty cool store.

I went bra shopping at the mall. I was angry because my bra size wasn't always available. Most of their bras were hella tiny. It made me feel so fat.

Guys keep hitting on me. They like my citizenship, I guess. It's so gross. The other day I was getting ready to leave the house with about 12 of my little cousins. A 40 year old man pulls over on his motorcycle and takes the time to do lip movements at me when I'm with children. WTF.

My cousin, Rosette, looks too much like me. She's only 4 years old right now but she looks exactly the way I looked like when I was 4. Except I was real skinny and she's fat. But she's still cute.

I got my second grandchild here. Yay! The bad part is the night before I had to go to church in the morning is when I was earned my favorite drinking buddy. So I came to church hung over and late. And my hair wasn't straightened for the day.

People keep stopping me to talk about my dad. I already knew my dad had a lot of friends in california, but I didn't know just how many friends he had in the philippines. Half the time people stop to talk to me about my dad they're drunk. Even all my cousins here know that my dad has a lot of friends. And they all have some story about it.

I'm going to miss this place when I leave, like I always do. I know that people consider me "white washed" and all, but deep down I consider the philippines my second home. I even call is "home" at times when I talk about it. I'm going to be real sad when I leave because I never get enough time to spend with my family here. I come here every 2-3 years, but it's really not enough. And talking and emailing people is so much different than seeing them in real life. I'm really going to miss it.

I know I have to get back to my life in California. I already have things planned. I'm supossed to go to Italy next summer, but I think I want to go back home, the philippines. It'll cost more money but many I'll stay for a full month. It'll be hell to put up with the weather for a month, but it's worth it.

My sophmore year is coming to an end. I do not know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. There are still more things that I want to do.

Maybe, since summer is coming it's a good thing. I'm completely psyched for summer. Like whoa. I'm actually excited and looking forward to summer school. But then again that may just be me being an idiot since I have never had summer school before so I wouldn't know what it's like. Being in Downtown Hayward would be awesome. I hardly get to go there anymore.

I'm completely psyched about driving, again. I will be getting my truck back this month for summer school. I got a bit rusty. I finally drove my mother's car yesterday morning. I no longer wish to speed at such a fast rate. I'm actually sort of scared behind the wheel now. Which is new. I was never scared to drive. The only times I get nervous behind the wheel is when the person next to me is screaming. But no. Not anymore. Now, I am a slow asian driver.

Sorry, Michael. I have crushed your hopes to race me.

How much does it cost to fix a pot hole anyway? Does the pot hole when you enter the school parking lot anger anyone else? It would help a shit load of people to fix that damn pot hole.

I know it's inappropriate but I like to begin sentences with the words "and" and "but". Screw that literature rule. ANDBUTANDBUTANDBUTANDBUTANDBUTANDBUTANDBUTANDBUT I shall write however I please.

Summer shall come soon.

Soon I will be looking up at the stars on hot, summer nights.

Soon I will have a chance to read books I have been planning to read for months.

Soon I shall be sweating like a pig. Then take my truck out for a drive. Pull over to see a friend. And hang out.

I don't want to waste this summer. Last summer could've been better. I was too lame to make more out of it. I will kick your ass if your summer isn't a good one.

Bye, I'll be seeing you soon. Maybe..

I've screwed up one too many times.

March 24, 2005

was one of the best.

A picture says a thousand words...

Now, what would this one say?

( OHHH!!! My school newspaper was amazing on Friday. )

Today was interesting. I kind of lost everything throughout the day and hit a "down" point somehow. I don't know why today wasn't as great as compared to all of my other days. Oh well. I was walking by myself around downtown for a long time. That helped me. I saw Karen, Steph and Aliyah walking .. and maybe some other people. I thought about saying hi and crap to them but I kind of just wanted to be by myself. Plus.. I knew it would be pretty boring with Aliyah.

nothing much else to say except for..
Isolation feels good.

Maybe I'll add a little bit more to this entry. Over the weekend I was looking through Danny's old blog and found some of my "poetry" .. if you even want to call it that. Geez.. what the hell was I thinking!? Oh well.. it made Danny laugh and feel better at the time so I guess it was worth it. Don't even wonder what the hell I was thinking. It was a long time ago.. simply it.

( Another one of Lauren's attempts at poetry.. and obviously.. she has failed. )

I have a small, reddish mark on my right hand. I don't know where it came from. I'm tired of not knowing where all these marks and shit come from.

I found my Tiger Balm in an odd place last night.. or the night before. I had been looking for it for days actually. I found it in one of my old back packs. How it got there, I don't know. That's not even all of it. I found it along with a couple of my panties that I thought that I had been missing for a while. And I could've sworn I wore one of them just last week. It was weird. WHY THE HELL WAS MY TIGER BALM AND UNDERWEAR IN ONE OF MY OLD BACK PACKS!?

I fucking feel like screaming.

Today is Thursday. This week has been fucking perfect!!!

Things I could've dealt without(but my week was still fucking great):

• I lost a bet to that damn Danny


• Perverted men


• People(not just guys.. EH LEILANI!?!?) keep touching my ass


• My back pack broke so I have to drag my ass shopping to go buy a new one


• My geometry test


• I had a geometry quiz this week(which I most likely did horrible in)


• There was a fight with a nigger and a beaner which caused tons of trouble and racial slurrs


• no pass blocks


• It didn't seem like Willy was wearing ANY underwear in pe one day becaues his sweats kept RIDIN ALL UP IN DA MIDDLE. I WUZ LYKE WHOA NIGGA!!!


• We went through A, C, and E hall to find alberrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrto's locker and NOTHING


• I've been late to A LOT of my classes this week

Great things that happend this week that are just too much to say in paragraph form:

• Danny fucking HANDED me his cd player


• Tasha took his board


• Danny does not have his cd player NOR his board which is fucking great


• we stole AlbeRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRto's locker key


• we trapped him in a corner


• me and Leilani kept writing on his papers all day in German class so he got NO work done at all. He did, however, had to start all over about 3 times but all in the end he couldn't turn anything in because we wrote things like "I LOVE NSYNC" .. "MR.TIMBERLAKE" .. "NSYNC FO' LYFE" and "BURRRRRRRRRRRRRITOS" and much much more. Since he wasn't satisfied with any of his work i took the privilege of turning in one of his papers for him. :]


• I haven't taken the bus much today because Enola drives now


• school hasn't been such a hassle because there hasn't been A LOT of work needed to be done.. either that or i just slack off more than I think


• Jake has agreed to make a bet with me but I'm thinking about turning it down because I'm going to be real angry if i lose to Danny AND Jake


• *slap* YOU GONNA TELL!?!?!?!??!?! *tear* ::repeat 5x::


• AlbeRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRto


• mcdonald's hashbrowns


• perverted guys who cant get laid but want to real bad make me laugh real fucking hard

Another day,

another day full of laughter,

another day of being Lauren.

I adore my perfect days.

I don't feel so sexy.















Throw up came out of my nose.

types of guys who will strive their whole lives trying to get laid and who will have the worst luck doing so

• obese
• mean(not one nice side.. as in complete asshole type guy)
• short
• ugly
• stupid
• teen mustache
• desperate for ANYONE... man ..woman.. dog... cat... bottle boy... doesnt matter really
• has sick a sick fetish
• STILL wears tighty whiteys(nothing wrong with tighty whiteys though.. i happen to adore mines.. as in.. the ones i bought at the salvation army)

i pity that guy.. seriously. DOESNT THIS REMIND OF THAT ONE GUY!?!?! gilberto? or gilbert? whatever his name is. that one guy who USED to be at the soda machines all the time but eventually stopped going because of... i dont know why? well yeah.. as much as i hate to say it.. i dont say it to be cruel.. but this reminds me of that guy.

talking in movies. i USUALLY dont mind it. its just when youre REALLY REALLY REALLY trying to pay attention becuase its one of those not so common movies that you NEEEED to do so it pisses me off. i mean youre trying to get a complicated story and crap and they just keep on talking and talking and talking. i havent told anyone to shut up like that in soooooooooooo long. i dont really like telling people to shut up anyways. movies like msytic river arent all that common. theyre great and all but not common. they need more movies like that. most movies are just plain typical these days. the real good movies are hard to come by. then you have people saying that barbershop is a greaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat movie. i saw part one but not part 2. personally... BARBERSHOP WAS PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRE CRAP!!! i hated it. to me theres like no real story to tell. i think that i should get out of all this movie talk. I CAN GO ON FOR FUCKING EVER ABOUT MOVIES.

some people get too worked up about the future. they plan for it. they constantly think about it. they bring it up in a casual conversation. why? really. tell me why. i want to know. seriously. why? is there a REAL point? some people get so worked up about the future that they seem to forget NOW. whats going on currently. youre thinking about things that will happen in like 30 years but what about the times youre living in now? i mean. life isnt perfect. so why overly plan for something that will happen in 40 years from now and not better the things today? true. even i occassionally think about the future. its not a topic i like very much though. ive realized.. i tend to avoid "the future" type talk. i guess its the fantasy that theyre addicted to. the thought that this and that will go exactly how you planned it. and who knows? maybe it will. but jsut hte opossite of that. the thought that itll go just perfectly wrong is such a terrible feeling that people would much rather avoid. and yeah.. the fact of the matter is. things will happen that you wont plan for. thats it!!! you can try youre best to plan for whatever future you want to have but things happen. personally.. i like not knowing. i like not knowing whats going to happen in the next day. what next laugh in going to have. and maybe those unexpected things thatll happen will be good. maybe not all but not all of them will be so bad. and i love the good unexpected things. those are the best. why not jsut sit back and relax. better things that would probably better your future. and have fun in the days that you live today.

you know? ive never ranted on people who try to act older for their age. i think i shall. of course. we all know that there are people who are sooooooooooooo eager to grow up. in such a rush just to finally grow up. why rush through youth? careless youth? you wont get it again.. so you might as well enjoy the fuck out of it. and what are you rushing into exactly? i mean.. i know that some people my age who want to grow up so bad might as well rush into jail or might as well just fucking kill themselves. although i do hope AT TIMES that they accidentally drive a dagger through themselves. people who TRY to act older are just humiliating themselves in my opinion. why act like something youre not? theres not point in being something that youre not. its absolutely worthless. but i guess people just prefer the future rather than whats going on now.

with all of the rushing through things and trying to act older.. should you just enjoy youre careless youth? youll never have this again. and rushing through things... people have a lot to learn. dont rush through it. i still have a lot to learn. i know that. and im excited about it... but i dont want to rush through it or anything. and id be glad to learn more.

on a WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE other subject. why do people try to influence me? REALLY?!??!?! why the fuck would you try that shit!?!? ill listen. if you happen to be right then it works. but if i thing differently then i just think that youre stupid. and one thing that i noticed.. whenever someone tells me some flaw about me.. ive already realized it for myself. i dont know why that it. but ill ALWAYS listen to anyone who comes to me with that sort of thing. even though it rarely actually gets to me ill listen. mostly because whenever i hear something like that its sooooooooooooooooooo freaking wrong. its hard to get to me. i know. its a personal flaw that i dont know how to fix.

people let other people get to them more than i thought. im not going to get into this too much. i can go on for pages and pages. but why? does it matter what they think of you? why would you even care what they think of you? simply it!!! thats all there is!!! when does it REALLY REALLY MATTER?!?! so what? one of my peers doesnt like the way i dress or how i act. pfft. i dress how i want. and the way i act? dudddde.. this is me and i like it very much indeed. and you dont have to be liked by everyone anyways.

make up. i dont see the point in it. really i dont. it just "hides" whatever flaws you THINK you have or "betters" or blah blah blah. i want people to see my flaws my being imperfect. simply it. but i guess not everyone likes it the same way as i.

which also gets me to... what i believe. people who are ashamed of what they are are pathetic to me. why be ashamed of who you are? i mean it IS you. like the hide their culture. whether jewish or indian. not just culture. but other things about their personality. whether you once liked nsync or something. yeah. i liked nsync all those years ago. so what? its part of who i am .. or was.. and im not ashamed of that. why be ashamed of it? because its embarrassing? embarrassment. hmm.. not something im really familiar with really. i think it seems to go away when you dont care what other people think. just like i said before. but why would you care what they think anyways?

oh yeah!!!! friends and acqaintances. whats your definition of a friend? to me its someone i TRUST and that i know is there for me throughout the laughter and all. a friend is also somone who you get along with and have fun with. an acqaintance. to me it could be afriend of a friend. its mainly someone you know through someone else. its as simple as that to me. why consider someone you dont trust to be an acqaintance? its just THAT stupid to do so. oh yeah.. i dont know this guy. . hes some guy in my 3rd block that i talk to every 5 weeks so i consider him my friend!!! pfft. yeah. a friend. i guess it depends on your definition of a friend. true... an acqaintance can turn out to be a friend but when you barely know one another then their not YET a friend. i sound like i stick to people that i know. no. thats not it. i meet new people. but before i consider them a friend i get to know them first and let it grow and crap. but then again people want to be accepted. yeah i want to be accepted myself but im not up for some popularity contest. id rather have 5 friends than 50 acqaintances. why is that? with those 5 friends you you know that theyre there for you. you can trust them. you get along perfectly well. with those 50 acqaintanes.. you dont know them very well. you dony know that theyll be there for you and you cant fully trust them. and its just a stupid number. 5 vs 50. its a number. numbers mean nothing to me when it comes to friends. i actually pitty those people who have tons and tons of "friends" thatll easily turn on their backs on them. but they keep them anyways.. because they are accpeted. a vicious cycle really.

fear isnt a very comforting feeling. i HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE... DESPISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSE it when people fear something so unessassary. not the things like heights.. spiders.. and all that simple crap. but the unessassary things. like theyre scared to climb a cliff. not because its high .. or that they MIGHT fall or anything like that. but because its something unsual to them and something new. its stupid. why not try to things? be open and dont just block it out. or avoid it because you dont know it. some people just feel soooooooooooooooooo much discomfort in not knowing. and theyll say things like "ID BE HELLA SCARED IF I DID THAT!!!" but then again we all have our fears. some not as obvious as others. all of mine arent obvious. theyre stupid things that i cant manage to get rid of. but im not deadly scared of them or anything.

that is all for this rant. now i have to think of a subject name for this. erg.. son of bitch!!!

 

( I WOULD LIKE YOU TO... )

( german yo... )

my definition of a fun time will always include doing something crazy and insane that you didnt plan on and didnt think it or plan to happen and that you also enjoy doing.

some people can just be so narrow-minded when it comes to a person. when it comes to a persons culture... personality... and more. but what really really gets to me is when theyre being narrow-minded about a persons personality. theyre either completely convinced that they know who they are or they just dont want to know them any further. theyre thought of as weird or something. and what exactly is wierd? what exactly is normal? can anyone define those 2 for me? after all we all have our differences. all of us!!! sometimes you can be so narrow-minded when it comes to a person that youre just pushing them away. whether you want to or not. and peoples personalities arent all that simple of predictable. they can be diverse and have different sides. but noooo.. youre so damn convinced that you know them already or just convinced that you know enough that you dont go any further into it. so you dont get to see all these different sides. you dont get to see what else is there. so good job pushing someone away. really.. good job!!!

ive heard people talking about my livejournal from other people. basically ive heard them talking about it behind my back. whats the point in that? seriously? there is a comment button. its not like i disabled it morons!!! and if you have any objection or jsut anything to say about my journal and would like to express yourselves then please do so. its not like im going to delete your comment or anything. geez. people these days. do you not know how to comment? or would you rather talk about my journal to whoever and have me hear it a different way? and i know that i do have certain people that dont exactly like me. like someone imed me yesterday. dudddde.. they were so damn funny. thinking that i was insulted and constantly calling me stupid. like i asked for their last name for the second time and they said that i didnt ask. that really made me crack up. and im the stupid one? and they always have to type all improperly...LyKe Da KoOl KyDdZ dOo. but yes.. im open to all types of criticism.

this sounds like one of those desperate entries to get people to comment to look all cool and like you have tons and tons of friends. its not. i dont need a lot of friends anyways. ive mentioned before that id rather have 5 close friends whom i know i can trust than 50 friends whom im not sure of and dont really know if they would be there for me when in need. and i think ive mentioned before here that i love the things that me and my friends do. i REALLY do love our crazy times.

so yessssssssss.. the comment button is not disabled so you do not have to talk about my journal to someone else.